Being called a daddy's girl or a little princess were not names I grew up hearing, you see like millions of other girls around the world I was raised without a D.A.D. I have found that many people like to act as though the lack of a father in the home did not and currently does not affect them but I always like to keep it very real and honest and admit that for me it did and still does affect me.
Yes of course I have got on with my life and yes I had a good childhood with an amazing Mum...but a DAD is a DAD and nothing or no one can replace that part of who you are.
I had to be told I laughed like my DAD or was feisty and sharp witted like he was, I didn't have him around to see it for myself.
I called his mobile this morning....'calls are currently not being connected to this number'....was all I got. I smiled because at least after 16 years I actually had a number to call him on. I remember at 13 years old sitting at the kitchen table with Mum, my younger sister and a man who I knew was my DAD but you see the last time I had seen him I was about 7 years old the word DAD could not come out of my mouth to address him it felt like a dirty word. MUM, MUM, MUM was all I knew, she helped me with my homework, she paid for school trips, she prayed over me when I woke up from a bad dream and later she would wipe my tears after my marriage broke down and she would be there to cradle my firstborn.
I think...No I believe things would have been different for me and my relationships with men had he been around. After all your DAD is the first man we women fall in love with...right? No one was there to scare the losers away, sit potential suitors down and talk to them man to man and basically set a standard. Mum being the generous and most welcoming woman you could ever meet would offer them bakes (fried dumplings)and fried chicken!
Anyway the fairytale ends with a random meeting with my father in West London last year, I spotted him and stood shocked for a moment but eventually approached him. I had been dreaming of this day for 16 years and now he was right in front of me. I was grown now and a mother what would I say to him, my DESERTER, ABANDONER AND DEPRIVER. 'Excuse me...are you ********' I asked. 'Yes', he replied. 'I'm Vee your daughter'..........!
One day I'll write what happened next, probably in my book as it is quite deep and there is always more to every story. I look at Eden-Rose now with her father and breathe a sigh of relief because I know whether me and her father are together or not she will never write this same story.
Hi diva's!
I have not written for a few day's but I'm back! FYI...Following the infamous bust-up between Rihanna and Chris Brown everyone's talking about domestic violence.
The BBC have produced a TV documentary that will be aired this evening called 'DANGEROUS LOVE' BBC3 @ 9PM...Be sure to catch it!
