Through my MANY experiences in life I have come to realise that just like a Tsunami friends that hurt can come and get you out of nowhere...but are they really coming out of nowhere? Now if your like me you can work people out pretty quickly so why when we sense something negative in a friend or lover do we brush it aside and hope for the best, with the naive mantra repeating over and over in our head's that it won't happen to me...People we need to stop being so gullible and desperate.
This week one of my Divas told me that her BEST FRIEND is now DATING her recently made EX! Now this all transpired in secret but the diva told me that in hindsight if she was asked to choose one of her friends that would be likely to do such a thing it would have been that friend and now she wont even leave a bar of chocolate around her! Listen people when FTH want what you have it does not matter how insignificant it is to you...they will take it so i'm keeping a close eye on my cadbury's cream eggs!
Another observation I made was that I have had people that have loved me when I have had 6 months of regrowth, a man cheating on me and eyebrows that could stuff a cushion but once I got myself hooked up at Asaba, a good man at my side and seen Dipti to get my unibrow seperated suddenly you hear comments like 'she thinks she's too nice' CORRECTION the post for today is you think i'm too nice and thats why we have the problem!
I'm not swayed by how many friends I have on facebook or how full my contacts list is on my samsung... I just want a few that are good to the bone.
Some people like to keep you where they can keep a close eye on you so whenever they think they have it bad they can look back at where they left you and breathe a sigh of relief that someone is worse off than them. When they are ready they may look back at you...BUT here's the thing make sure you have moved! Show them your address is no longer Heartbreak Hotel and your car is no longer Chitty Chitty bang bang and your man brings you home flowers with a box of chocolates and not an STD anymore.
If you have a friend that you purposely avoid showing your new stuff to...they are a FTH
If you have a friend that takes any opportunity to put you down and remind you of all your mistakes...they are a FTH
If you have a friend that likes to bring you out infront of a new partner...they are a FTH
If you have a friend that has to buy a new sofa, laptop, get a new hairdo or go on holiday just because you did...they are a FTH
If you have a friend that runs off with your hubby, turns your kids against you and steals your identity...........THEY ARE MOST DEFINATELY A FTH!....love y'all!
Here are a few tips we at the Academy have come up with to help you along...
1. Get a bra that fits correctly...there isn't a
human female that should have more than 2 breasts, if your bra is making you look like you have 4...BIN IT!
2. Please, please, please stop rocking a blonde weave if your complexion does not permit it! You know who you are, its time to get over the ' I wanna be a barbie when I grow up' fantasy. We're all grown now and colour 1B (off black)is your friend, please get to know her....FAST!
3. The hem of your skirt should not be longer at the front than at the back...Sure be proud of your curves, just get a well fitted skirt and you will look more together and like you actually looked in the mirror before you left the house!
4. It is better to remove your acrylic tips rather than have a gap that looks as though its about ready to celebrate its 1st birthday!
5. If we can see your areola you are showing too much breast...enough said!
6. Lacefronts: They are great but I am starting a campaign to bring the forehead back, too many are going missing due to incorrect positioning. Please find a reputable technician.
Now ladies I talk from experience, during my blonde ambition days (yes I had some) I was rocking 4 bags of colour 27 (honey blonde) wet 'n' wavy on my 18 year old head. To top it all off I wore a faux fur white knee length coat bought second hand from my grandfather's residential home and had the nerve to wait for the 207 bus on the Uxbridge Road! I thought I looked like Faith Evans in the 'Soon as I get home ' video, I did I think...however it was the glue sniffing version!
So there we have it. I hope this helps some of you...so until next time keep spreading the DIVA!
The first African- American to become president, the cutest little girls ever and a strong woman of colour by his side... you just gotta love him!
2.ARETHA FRANKLIN
She surely showed us why she is the ultimate DIVA as she sang during the inauguration ceremony, although she looked as though she had eaten all former 43 Presidents!...WE LOVE HER!
3.LATOYA JACKSON
Now folks once you get passed the bleach, the surgery and the mane she is the sweetest
little person, do you even hear what she is saying half the time on CBB...NO...but as long as she dont get too close to those studio lights she makes our January's top 10. 4.MR. MOTIVATOR
I know what your thinking, how is HE a DIVO? But seriously the man is in his late fifties and he is still working it! Have you seen the outfits he gets specially made fo
r him and his grandson? Finally check out those specs, he obviously has never heard of specsavers! However he has made the list!5.AKON
Not much to say about him other than the fact anyone who has forged a multi million dollar career singing like he doesn't even have a nose must be honoured! Locked up...at times we wish you still were Akon.
I am not an American, I therefore did not vote, I have then done nothing physically to have brought about what happened yesterday...but if prayers, hope and faith count for anything I can say I did my bit to get him there! Once he was elected last year my thoughts instantly went to the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King and how finally his DREAM had been realised, to Rosa Parks who would not GET OFF THE BUS and to O.J Simpon who...lets not even go there people!
Barack Obama is young, black and fabulous and now because of him my daughter may not even see it as a big deal that there is or has been a black president because she will know nothing else. It will only be when she reads the numerous newspapers I have kept as a souvernir that she will know how significant an occasion in history it was and will ever be. I remember phoning friends back in the day if a black person (normally an American) was on the T.V because you just never knew when that was about to happen again. How times have changed. At least advertisers now realise that we people of colour do in fact EAT, DRIVE, WASH and indeed NEED HOME INSURANCE!
Now that we've covered the seriousness of the occasion its now time for Diva Academy to take it there...!
We can now be sure that in the White House the first lady's dresser will no longer be laden with lavender scented dusting powder, Elnett hairspray and a sprinkling of L'oreal cosmetics but instead now its all about the Luster's pink oil moisturiser, a Dax pomade for the roots and a big can of oil sheen... and ladies lets not forget the obligatory headscarf, hanging form the side of the bed crying out for its long overdue wash! (I likes to keeps it reel)
I like Michelle O, she's subtly attractive, she's fierce and quite an imposing figure standing by her man, as mouthy as I am I would not mess with Barack's girl. I cocked my head to the side and exhaled as I watched her watch her man, did you see that loving gaze? God only knows what was going through her 
mind and heart but by the way it made me and my girls feel I know it was all good. I also along with many of you was waiting with baited breath for what she would be wearing on THAT day and thank God home girl did not disappoint, I personally would not have chosen that colour for this time of year but the style and cut of the dress and jacket did get my vote and pairing it with those moss green leather shoes and gloves got an A+ from us at the Diva Academy! Her Inauguration ball gown was an impeccable choice also and with her height and grace gave her an ethereal presence as she danced with her President. YOU GO GIRL...We salute you.
So the event is now behind us but the journey is still absolutely ongoing, we pray and believe that Barack Obama will be a great President and continue to make history...A Black Prime Minister in the next twenty years?....a Diva can dream can't she!
Now when I was twenty no one could have ever told me that when I got to thirty I would feel more fabulous, more confident and more sassy. 'Thirty is old' I would have said smirkingly as I plucked my brows to within an inch of their lives while teetering on platforms listening to Blackstreet (it was the 90's!). I would not have been able to imagine that the boldness I possessed then could ever be surpassed as I approached the big 3-0 but now I have to say I'm with Jay-Z...Thirty IS the new Twenty.
Gone are the days when your mascara and hourly rate come in at the same nifty price of £5.50 and now when a 45 yr old male chats you up he is now considered a mature older man and not a dirty old perve! Yes me and my girlfriends are relishing in this new course of study a
t the Diva Academy 'Fly and Thirty' it has a nice ring to it. Some of us are married, there are those that are single, there are the yummy mummy's and the childless chicks all saluting and cheering Thirty with a vigour that compares only to when we were teens and New Kids On The Block would be performing on Top of The Pops. Funtimes.
When your twenty you THINK you know yourself your likes and dislikes, your style and preferences, your tastes and persuasions but when your thirty the truth is you REALLY do know yourself and for the record that is not always a good thing as the truth does not always smell of Givenchy's latest scent. I mean who likes to admit they are wearing a bad attitude like a Tiffany choker, with procrastination and laziness hanging on like the matching pair of studs BUT ladies at least now we have the maturity to deal with it and hey at least we can afford therapy now! I'd say that's a fair trade off.
So ladies (you shout YEAH!) are you with me?... is Thirty the new Twenty? let's join hands with Jigga Man and say HELL YEAH!
