Diva Academy

To coincide with the release of the movie He's just not that into you starring Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson and Drew Barrymore, Diva Academy has listed a few clues of our own to help you keep track of your man in question!

He's just not that into you if after 6 months you have not met any of his friends or family? What does he mean he was raised by tigers?!?

He's just not that into you because you do not know his surname, i'm sorry to have to break it to you but calling him by his profile name on myspace does not cut the mustard.

He's just not that into you because you only go for date's outside your local area. (No he's not being adventurous!) Try taking control of your next date and book a table for two at your local Italian after you tell him please email me what colour he turned!

He's just not that into you if all of your dates seem to begin at around 12pm. (Is he a vampire or something?) NO he's just not that into you!

He's just not that into you because its been 5 years, 3 months and 9 days and you still don't have his home telephone number. X directory, I don't think so, more like he is still living with his Ex!

Is it me or is going to Church at times like the latest trend to hit the stands...I mean like 'Are you on facebook'?..or..'Do you have a myspace'? You know that some people are only at R*** ,V***or K*** because they are name brand church's. You know when the camera hits them they're trying to pretend that they are really feeling the message all while trying to be filmed on their good side! I've visited such church's and trust me your hair, fingernails and toes better be did or you will feel just slightly out of place. The Pastor rocks a Rolex and drives a Range Rover and is followed by aproximatley six assistants wherever he goes! DIVA! These Church's are slick and present the gospel to the people like they're hosting the Academy awards. Trust me between your hair appointments, the building fund and Pastor's insurance things get expensive up in here make sure you got a good job!
NAME BRAND CHURCH essentials: Good hairdresser, 5" heels, good job, Armani wrap around shades, range rover.

I must admit my Church is old school and by no means name brand I would say we are like more like the black plimsolls your mum brought for you at primary school, comfortable, reliable and humble. My mum began attending in the early 80's and I have been there eversince give or take the odd years when I was either not interested (during my blonde ambition days), or attending Church's in South London. At my Church if your skirt is hovering above the knee you are a potential backsliding suspect, If you are wearing sleevless anything you are a marriage wrecker and if you wear lipstick and or TROUSERS and try to say anything they just turn your sound off, you become invisible and suddenly the call to salvation gets brought forward JUST FOR YOU....because you CANNOT be saved! Ok so i'm exaggerating slightly and thank God due to our current Pastor things are changing for the better but anyone of you reading this that has visited an 'old time religion church' will know what i'm talking about!
OL' TIME RELIGION CHURCH essentials: Hairnet, Hat, Stockings, Tambourine, Paper fan, Frilly Hankie.

Now some of my girls attend church's that are the complete opposite of mine. There the Pastor is simply called Joe and his wife simply Katie, The congregation can heckle during sermon's and there is not a hat in site...In fact the congregation look more like they belong at the Glastonbury festival! The music takes on more of a Rock vibe and dont be suprised if a barefoot aussie bloke strolls past you! Now there is something freeing about this type of service...no one judges you, you receive the most welcoming smiles ever and your appearance is of no importance...its all about JESUS. Now as much as I love all that free hippie love that goes around here we all need a bit of structure...don't we?
GLASTONBURY CHURCH essentials: Flip Flops, T-Shirt, A Smile.

God bless...x